I left my heart in San Francisco

I just got back from San Francisco yesterday evening. I spent the weekend with my mom, sister in law and mother in law. It was a whirlwind trip but we had a ton of fun! We arrived in Oakland Friday morning and met my mom at the airport, she flew in from Washington. We took the bart over to the city and walked to our hotel. We met up with one of Brooke's friends from high school and we went out to lunch and did a little shopping. It was so nice to have a local's opinion of what to do and where to eat. Thanks Alexis! Saturday we got up and headed to the farmers market at the ferry building. Oh My Gosh! it was sooo awesome, the best farmers market I have ever been too. A lot like pike's place in Seattle or Fanuel Hall in Boston, but doesn't compare to any around here. We ate lunch at the Fog City Diner, and then went down to fishermans warf to rent bicycles for the rest of the day. We biked over the Golden Gate and into Sausalito. We found a cool wine bar called Wellingtons, we enjoyed good wine and played cards. It was nice to just hang out and relax, there were comfy chairs and couches to lounge. We took the ferry back to the city, returned our bikes, took a bus near to our hotel, and then found dinner at 10:00 at night. VERY long day! It would have been nice to sit in the jacuzzi but it closed at 11pm. The next morning we got packed up, checked out and walked to Union square. We hit up a couple shops and around noon headed back to Oakland on the bart. It was well worth it to fly into Oakland rather than SF. It was cheaper and a direct flight. It wasn't too bad figuring out how to get to the city. But next time, we will definately have to add a couple days to our trip. Friday to Sunday is WAY too short a trip to fit everything in. Until next time San Francisco, I will miss you!

O Happy Day

I think that I get too wrapped up in what other people are doing, or what they might think of me and I tend to lose sight of who I am. I am so busy doing kid stuff and taking care of the house and making sure there are clean clothes and food to eat, that I rarely have a moment of time for myself. That is why I stay up late, too late. Anyway, I have realized that it is so important to take care of myself first, or I won't have the energy to take care of the rest. I have to remember who I am in Christ, that I am His girl and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I have to take the time to fill my spirit, so I am able to give to the kids and my husband AND accomplish all the other tasks I have on my :to do" list. Through out my day I try to take a moment and thank God for what He has given me. I know that He will only put on my plate what He knows I can handle, all I have to do is put my Faith in the Lord and rely on Him to get me through.

Perspective

Today is Sunday. Lately I have been feeling like I have this heavy burden to carry around. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I feel physically and emotionally tired. I feel like I don't do enough fun things for my kids or am very involved in making thier lives fun. I feel like I am telling them what not to do more than having a good time with them. Maybe my burden is that I don't feel like I am being a good mother. I know that I can't be perfect and do everything right, I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I know that it's probably all in my head and my kids are just fine, but still it bothers me and I worry about it. Our pastor at church has been talking about stress in our lives and today the message was about living a simple life. We have to be childlike to get to the kingdom of heaven. I thought to myself, I wish I was still a child sometimes, and to rely on my parents for all my needs. Well, duh, that is exactly how Christ wants me to think about Him. He wants me to rely on Him for all my needs. He wants to take care of me and provide for me. He loves me unconditionally and all I have to do is go to Him. I need to give all my worries to God and He will take care of my every need. My children are happy, they are healthy and are fed and clothed and hear that I love them all the time. I guess I just needed to look to Christ to center my perspective.
The one thing that is a constant struggle is comparing myself, my life, my situation to others, and that is totally where I start thinking that my life is just not as good. I need to remember that God made me not like other people, myself and my circumstances are unique and I need to treat myself that way. I am special in the Lords sight, and He loves me no matter what.

I can do ALL things!

Last night was my last class for the summer. I do have to send in one of my finals by next week, but I can do that through email. So other than that I am all done until Sept. 7. I am looking forward to having the month of August off! I don't realize how much going to school takes away from my time with my husband and the kids until I stop. I am exhausted all the time and I find myself yelling way too often. At times I ask myself is it all worth it? Sometimes I want to just quit and be a substitute teacher for the rest of my life. That would be taking the easy way out. I know that God has planned for me to be in graduate school and He wouldn't put me in something He knew I couldn't handle. It is during those stressful times where I think I can't do it anymore that He wants me to lean on Him, because I can't do it alone. He is my strength and my peace. I thank God that I have been given the opportunity to go back to school and the chance to provide something more for my family and myself. I want to be an inspiration to my children and an influence to those around me. I want people to see that anything is possible with the power of the Holy Spirit. Through this process I know there are many more challenges up ahead, I know that I need to grow and become a leader and that scares me. I am not a born leader, I would much rather follow and be told what to do and how to do it. I can see the person God has chosen me to be, and it is only through His grace and His power that I will rise to challenge and conquer the fear within me. I live for a Mighty God, He is my rock and my shelter. I thank you Lord for loving me and taking care of me and always being by my side and for giving me the strenght to do the things I"m scared of and knowing that You got my back. I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

At the moment

We got home from our camping trip last weekend and I am still trying to get things organized and back to "normal". It doesn't help that I am in my last week of class and have work to turn in on Monday...and our floor is tore up because my dad came down to lay laminate and the job is still in progress. So I feel all chaotic. And kids have been having trouble getting along. I feel like too much is going on at once and I'm on my one last nerve. I need a vacation from my vacation. And I probably should not be posting right now because I have other things that need to get done, but I guess I can look at it as my therapeutic outlet. I haven't been sewing lately, which is what I usually do for my sanity, so this is the next best thing. I am looking forward to my month long break before I have to start school again. It is definately needed. It is so hard going to school over the summer, I am just not motivated..not to mention I am constanly busy with three kids being home, every day. We have done some fun things this summer, but I am ready for them to go back to school. I love my kids dearly, but mama needs some quiet time. And I don't get it with three kids constanly arguing and yelling and running and being mean to eachother. Why can't we all just get along! I think it's nap time...

Those Crazy Moments

It does not pay off to procrastinate. Now I'm not exactly sure if that is what I've done, but I feel super overwhelmed by everything in life right now. Is it still procrastination when I have three kids that need something every minute? We are leaving tomorrow morning for a camping trip in Colorado. So this week has been crazy busy trying to get things organized and packed and washed, etc. Not to mention my dad is here to lay down new flooring, so on top of everything else I have to empty shelves and find places to stack endless books and misc. items, because I like to collect little odds and ends, which now I am second guessing. On top of EVERYTHING I am trying to accomplish, I still have school stuff that I have to do...which is where the procrastination part comes in. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day, or really I'm having a hard time managing my time well enough to fit in everything I have to do. Camping is coming at a very difficult time. So needless to say, I am not looking forward to our camping trip at this precise moment in time, but I'm sure that once we are there and settled, and I have finished a couple of assignments, I will enjoy it. Then it will be time to pack up everything and load it all up and drive home. I'm not looking forward to that part either. I'm not trying to sound negative, it's just how I feel right now I guess. I have a lot on my plate. I guess that's the life of a mother of three little ones who decided to go to graduate school. Sometimes (like now) I wonder what I was thinking. All I know is that I am doing what God has planned. I admit somedays (like the past week) I don't do it well, but I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So in those crazy moments that seem to be constant, I need to take a "time out" and talk with God to regain my purpose and perspective. It is when I am focused on the Lord, then I will be able to accomplish the tasks he has put before me successfully, and feel at peace.

Happy Birthday!

Well, my oldest boy turned seven yesterday. Wow! How the time just flies. I am very proud of the little boy he is and I'm confident that he will grow into a mighty young man. It seems crazy that seven years ago he first entered the world. When I get caught up in the day to day stuff , my life seems like how it has always been. It isn't until I have a quiet minute to sit down that I reflect on all the incredible experiences that I have gone through, giving birth to my first child being one of the big ones. Three kids later, I am definately a changed person from the new mother I once was. As they get older, children become more independent. It's not that my responsiblity as a mom changes, it's just that at times I feel that I'm not "as needed" as I once was. I think it is "that feeling" of having to take care of someone who is completely dependent on me, that makes me want another baby. Then I stop daydreaming and come back to the "real world" where kids are fighting and toys are all over the floor....am I crazy for wanting another one? who knows. I put that decision in the Lords hands. Yes, I am completely blessed with my three children and I know they are special gifts, and I am incredibly lucky to be their mother. As much as they make me crazy sometimes, they have made me into the person I am now and I thank God for that.

Just another monday morning

Well today has been a learning experience. It is much easier to just tell the kids what we are going to do rather than ask them what they think, because now I get three different opinions/arguments in return. Not all of them will be happy with my choices, but you know what...I am the mama, they will just have to get over it. And they eventually do end up having a little bit of fun.

So today we went to the goodwill to drop off stuff, we proceeded inside to have a look around and the kids came out with some goodies. We then went to sams club to get dogfood, there was some complaining, but we got through that too. We headed to the library but it wasn't open yet, so we went over to the animal shelter and played with the kitty cats. Avery did not want to leave. And we found an adorable beagle that we just had to just play with. Then we went back to the library, the kids got books, Luke and Avery signed up for the summer reading program. I had been promising (bribing) them donuts throughout our errand running, so now finally it is 1:30 and they are having donuts for lunch. Whatever works.

So that was our morning.

Now I am trying to plan fun things for them to do throughout the week, so we are not always sitting at home and stuck inside because it's so darn hot out. We did get out our little plastic pool, and that was fun for a day. So our weekday plans will consist of hitting up the movie theater at the mall in Temecula, they have $1 kids movies (tues, wed, thurs 9:30 am). I'd like to get to the library one day, and I have been wanting to check out Dejong Dairy in Wildomar. We will make sure to throw in a pool day or head down to the beach one day.

It all sounds good, let's see how well my plan gets executed.

*complaining kids aside, I know that I am incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to stay home with them...and I woulndn't change it for the world.

Happiness

Lately I have really been trying to figure out what it is that makes me truly happy. Well, maybe really it's been what it is that God really wants me to be doing. Because if i am following God's plan for my life, then I should be happy right? I tend to take too many things on, put too much on my plate, and then freak out because I am overwhelmed. I want a simple life, when I daydream I think of living out in the country and being able to look for miles and not see a single home or freeway or shopping mall. Just seeing the land. That is relaxing to me, closing my eyes and picturing God's creation. You know, I think that it is by divine intervention that those are the thoughts I have. My creator knew me before I was born. He has the ultimate plan for my life and right now, to have the simple life I desire, all I have to do is let God have control. All I have to do is talk with Him and listen to what he has planned for me. All I have to do is give Him my worry. A simple life is living the way God wants me to live and trusting Him that He will take care of all my needs.

Letting go and letting God

I don't know what to title this post...my brian is tired and I am emotionally exhausted. I do feel much better than I did this morning thanks to my small group at women's bible study. I have just been feeling lately that I'm not doing what God has planned for me, but today He showed me that I am.

I observed in a special ed class yesterday as a requirement for one of my classes. All I can say is that God made very special people to do that job. I was only there for 2 hours and I was done. I felt like crying. I thought to myself "what am I doing getting myself into this field?" Am I crazy? I have felt pretty crazy lately. But now I feel confident that yes...this is what I am meant to do.

I have realized that when things get tough or difficult, that's the enemy trying to put doubt in my mind. God is trying to grow me and make me stronger. All I can do is put all my faith and trust in Him, and know that I am following the path He has already laid out for me. I find comfort in knowing that God already has my future planned. It is a daily struggle letting go of all my worry and stress, and giving it to God to take care of. That's what He wants me to do....to really let go. It's scary.

I know I am never alone, God is always watching over me. As much as I love my children, He loves me a million times more.

What an Awesome God He is!