Back to School

Oh I woke up nervous. I had that weird feeling in my tummy and then I started to freak out just a bit. What the heck am I thinking, I get stressed and overwhelmed with my life the way it is and now I'm thinking that I can add going back to school in the mix. Holy cow! If it were doing this on my own strength than I would surely fail, I would go to the first class and decide this is not right for my life right now, or I wouldn't even go at all. But it's not by my strength that I am pursuing this, it is not just my plan or my idea. I prayed about this decision constantly, checking in with God making sure that this is what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life, with three small children. I got into the masters program at Cal Baptist at the very last minute, and there was a small chance that I wouldn't even get to start this semester because of all the paperwork that needed to be turned in. At every hiccup I thought to myself, oh well, did I really want to do this now...the Lord has different plans for me, everything went through on time, I am currently waiting to find out about my financial aid, but other than that I am accepted and enrolled and I start class tonight. Just thinking about it makes me all light headed with butterflies in my stomach. What am I doing?! As women we are identified by our many different hats; wife, mother, daughter, sister,friend,teacher,student, etc. It is exhausting if I try to identify myself by each of these separately, not to mention impossible. I'm reading this great book written by Christine Caine, she wrote "...if I allow all the different roles to define me instead of who I truly am in Christ defining them, I'm going to get all messed up." I'm going to fail if I try to do this all on my own, who I really am can only be found in Christ. There are all these definitions of me, but the only one that truly matters is the way I am defined by Jesus Christ. So in order to get through this crazy, insane, impossible time in my life I have to stop, slow down, and get back to who I am in Jesus' eyes...a uniquely, wonderfully made girl of God. I was made for a specific purspose, God chose me before I was born, he knew the accomplishments I would make, and the struggles I would go through, and as long as I stay close to Him and put all my trust and faith in Him, I can do anything! How awesome is that. I still feel weak and shakey, but I know that this is what I am called to do and in all things I will glorify God...even though I'm scared. Not knowing what is going to happen is terrifying. I am totally out of my comfot zone right now and I really don't like it. But I have an amazing God who is holding out his arms just in case I start to fall, he will catch me and keep me and love me and give me strength to go on. Maybe it's not all nerves.and fear..there might be a little excitement in there too. Thank you Lord for allowing me to start this next chapter in my life.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you, he will neither fail you or abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:8

"The eternal God is your refuge and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; He cries out, 'Destroy Them!' Deuteronomy 33:27

These verses totally shot out to me this morning when I was trying to figure out with the Lord what I was thinking. How cool is it that we have the Lord's Word right at our fingertips, to turn to for comfort and direction. All I have to do is belive and follow the direction, which is hard to do most times. Thank goodness we have a forgiving God who is always for us.